What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

EFT is an evidence-informed, attachment-based model of therapy that helps people move out of painful cycles and into more secure, responsive relationships.

Instead of focusing only on “better communication skills,” EFT helps you understand what’s happening underneath the conflict, often emotions like fear, sadness, longing, or shame, and how those emotions shape the way you reach for closeness or protect yourself.

EFT is especially helpful for people who are tired of:

• having the same fight in different outfits

• feeling shut out or alone in a relationship

• overfunctioning, people-pleasing, or walking on eggshells

• feeling “too much,” “not enough,” or hard to love

EFCT: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Couples don’t get stuck because they don’t care. They get stuck because their nervous systems learn a pattern for protection.

EFCT helps couples:

• identify their cycle (pursue/withdraw, critic/defend, shut down/escalate)

• slow the pattern down in real time

• understand the vulnerable needs underneath reactivity

• rebuild emotional safety, trust, and closeness

EFCT can be a strong fit for:

• recurring conflict and disconnection

• attachment injuries (betrayal, secrecy, broken trust)

• parenting stress affecting intimacy

• major transitions (new baby, relocation, infertility, loss)

• “We love each other, but we feel like roommates”

• healing after periods of distance or resentment

EFIT: Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy

EFIT is for the relationship you have with you—and the ways your past relationships shaped your inner world.

EFIT supports individuals in:

• changing deep emotional patterns (anxiety, shame, numbness, self-criticism)

• working through grief, trauma, and attachment wounds

• building secure self-trust and emotional resilience

• learning how to stay present in hard moments instead of spiraling or shutting down

Many clients love EFIT because it feels both tender and effective—not “just coping,” but actual emotional transformation.

EFFT: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy

Families usually aren’t struggling because anyone is “the problem.” They’re struggling because stress has hijacked connection.

EFFT helps families:

• reduce escalating conflict and shutdown

• rebuild trust after ruptures

• support teens navigating anxiety, depression, big emotions, or life transitions

• strengthen secure attachment bonds within the family system

• improve emotional communication without blame

EFFT can be especially helpful for families with adolescents when:

• everyone is reactive and exhausted

• one person’s distress is carrying the whole system

• parents feel stuck between “too strict” and “too permissive”

• it’s hard to know how to help without making things worse

What to expect in an EFT session

EFT is structured, but it’s not rigid. Sessions are experiential, which means we work with what’s happening in the moment—your emotions, body cues, and relationship dynamics—so change becomes felt and lived (not just understood).

Your therapist may help you:

• slow down a heated moment so you can understand it

• name the emotions underneath defenses

• identify the cycle that takes over

• practice new ways of reaching for support and connection

• repair ruptures in real time (with gentleness and clarity)

We’ll prioritize pacing and safety so you don’t feel pushed into vulnerability before you’re ready.

That means we don’t just talk about your pattern—we track it as it shows up (tightness in your chest, shutting down, urgency, anger, tears) and help you learn what your system needs to feel safe enough to connect.

Emotionally Focused Therapy in Raleigh + across North Carolina

We’re based in Raleigh offer:

• in-person sessions in the Raleigh area

• telehealth across North Carolina (based on clinician availability and licensure)

During your consultation, we’ll help you decide whether EFCT, EFIT, or EFFT is the best fit—and which clinician matches your goals.

FAQs: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFCT / EFIT / EFFT)

What’s the difference between EFCT, EFIT, and EFFT?

• EFCT is for couples and focuses on the cycle between partners.

• EFIT is for individuals and focuses on internal emotional patterns and attachment needs.

• EFFT is for families and focuses on strengthening bonds and emotional safety within the family system.

Do we have to stop fighting before starting EFT?

No. EFT is often most helpful when conflict is active. We use the conflict to understand the pattern and reshape it—so you’re not just learning “skills,” you’re changing the emotional process underneath.

What if one of us shuts down or goes blank in conflict?

That’s common and understandable. EFT helps couples and families recognize shutdown as a protective response, not a lack of care. We’ll go at a pace that helps both people feel safe enough to stay engaged.

Is EFT only for couples in crisis?

Not at all. EFT can help couples strengthen connection, prevent drift, and deepen intimacy, even if things are “mostly okay” but missing closeness.

Can EFT help after betrayal or broken trust?

Often, yes. EFT has a clear roadmap for healing attachment injuries, slowing down blame and defensiveness and creating structured repair conversations over time.

What if emotions feel overwhelming (or unavailable)?

Both are normal. EFT can help if you feel flooded or numb. We work within a manageable window, building safety first, so emotions can be processed without overwhelm.