When Anxiety and Shame Are Covering Something Else: The Role of Repressed Emotions
If you struggle with chronic anxiety or a persistent sense of shame — and you've tried to "think your way out of it" without much lasting change — there may be something deeper going on. Often, anxiety and shame aren't the whole story. They can be the visible tip of something else: core emotions that were never fully felt, expressed, or resolved.
This isn't about blame, and it doesn't mean you're "doing it wrong." It's actually a really common — and very human — pattern.
What Are "Core Emotions"?
In experiential models of therapy, particularly AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), emotions are understood in three broad categories:
Core emotions — the fundamental, biologically wired emotional responses we all have: anger, sadness, fear, joy, disgust, surprise, and others. These are adaptive — they're meant to move through us and give us important information.
Inhibitory emotions — emotions like anxiety, shame, and guilt that often arise in response to a core emotion, especially when that core emotion felt unsafe or unacceptable to express.
Defensive responses — the strategies we develop (consciously or not) to avoid feeling something altogether: intellectualizing, distracting, numbing, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and more.
Here's the key idea: anxiety and shame often aren't the "real" feeling. They're what shows up when a core emotion — like anger, sadness, or even joy — gets blocked.
How This Develops
Imagine a child who feels angry — a completely normal, healthy core emotion — but grows up in a home where anger isn't tolerated. Maybe expressing anger leads to punishment, withdrawal of love, or being told "don't talk to me like that." Over time, that child learns, on a very deep and automatic level, that anger is dangerous.
But the anger doesn't just disappear. Instead, the anxiety of having the feeling (and the shame of being someone who has "bad" feelings) becomes the dominant experience. As an adult, this might show up as:
Feeling anxious in situations where, logically, anger would make sense
A wave of shame after asserting a boundary, even a reasonable one
Physical tension — a knot in the stomach, a tight chest — in moments of conflict, without consciously feeling angry at all
A strong inner critic that jumps in before any "unacceptable" feeling can fully form
This same pattern can happen with grief that wasn't allowed ("don't cry, you're fine"), fear that was dismissed ("there's nothing to be scared of"), or even joy and excitement that were met with criticism or envy ("must be nice for you").
Why This Matters
When core emotions get blocked early and often enough, the anxiety and shame that cover them can become so familiar that they start to feel like your whole emotional landscape — like that's just "how you are." Many people live for years (or decades) managing anxiety and shame without realizing these feelings are often secondary responses, layered on top of something more fundamental.
This is part of why anxiety can feel so persistent even with strategies that "should" work. If the anxiety is functioning to keep a deeper feeling out of awareness, managing the anxiety alone doesn't address what's underneath it.
What This Looks Like in Therapy
Working with this pattern in an experiential, AEDP-informed way might look like:
Slowing down when anxiety or shame shows up, and gently getting curious: "What might this be protecting you from feeling?"
Making it safe to feel the 'unacceptable' emotion — often for the first time, in the presence of a caring, non-judgmental witness.
Working through the layers — anxiety and shame first, then, often, anger or grief underneath, and sometimes even more vulnerable feelings (longing, sadness, fear) beneath that.
Allowing core emotions to complete their natural arc — to be felt, expressed, and to move through, rather than staying stuck.
Building a new relationship with your emotions — one where feelings like anger or sadness aren't dangerous, but are simply information, signals, and part of being human.
This work tends to happen gradually and with a lot of care. The goal is never to overwhelm you with feelings you've spent years protecting yourself from — it's to build enough safety, slowly, that those feelings can finally be met instead of avoided.
A Different Kind of Relief
If you've struggled with anxiety or shame that feels disproportionate, persistent, or hard to explain — even when life looks "fine" from the outside — it may be worth exploring what's underneath. Often, what looks like "too much anxiety" is actually a sign of just how much has been held back for just how long.
At Allison Grubbs and Associates in Raleigh, NC, our therapists are trained in AEDP and other experiential approaches that work directly with core emotions — not just managing anxiety and shame, but understanding what they may be protecting you from. We offer in-person sessions in Raleigh and virtual sessions throughout North Carolina.
Ready to explore this? Reach out to schedule a consultation — we'd love to talk it through with you.